Poor Me@Confusion Girl

Life is about BENEFIT. The greatest benefit one(job,situation or human) could offer is the one will be chosen. Life, it could changes drastically. Nothing can hold it except Allah swt...

But how far will it go? When will you stop wandering aroound finding the best?(i'm not talking about spouse)..U wouldn't know until u tried it out.. experience teaches you what is right and what is wrong, base on your own definition.

So?

I'm trying to figure it out...What should be my next step? What route will i choose...

How i gona judge each of them? As time is valuable,but clumsiness is a risk.

One thing i learnt, sometimes, following logic does not always right when you need to deal with both emotion and mind. Often, following logic will not give you anything pleasent to your emotion in the end.

And, dealing with passion, often make you scared in failing as its your heart and it will hurt more to fail.

Have i ever followed my heart?Now i need to think as its rarely happen.

Yeah, i know i keep on avoiding Failure on things that I seriously LOVE. I'm just too scared to face it. I will pursue something that I'm confident I will succeed. I made a great effort to make the best judgement before I pursuing something. But i never go for something which will make me brokenhearted. I'm talking about courses and choices in my life.

But in the end, i learnt that, no matter what it is, logic does not always walk side by side with happiness. As happiness comes from heart. How much i keep on saying that the brain have total power on a person, including emotion and physical, but somehow, it does not hold true. It needs to work together, in a good proportion.

Song for today?:Confusion Girl : It's like a slap for me.Frankly. But its suits anyone who can't tolerate even scratch to their heart.

p/s: Its great isn't it to live a simple life. To be sure with what we want. To be happy with whatever coming as we already decided to pursue such life?To be fix with ur mind and feeling. Putting a wider definition to life goal (which is: The Most Benefical) will bring you more confusion. More complication. Will there be happiness for such person? I doubt. Because i never satisfy with anything...

Poor Me

Am I Still Normal?

Skiing in Scotland. All the way there, the driver keep on playing list of songs and among those are the songs from Peter Pan and Dewa etc..They were famous when i was 18and 19. So it brings back memories.

1) Pupus by Dewa
What's with the song?
Erm..my ex bf(the 1st one) used to sing it for me while playing his guitar at night.Sounds romantic?But wait...u gota hear what i thought. I keep on wondering what he meant by playing that song for me???

I know the fact that we knew each other since kid like 12 years old. So it suits the MV, but what the hack with 'ku bertepuk sebelah tangan?'. Its either he meant he or me is the one yg bertepuk sebelah tangan?

If its him, does he meant i don't love him much which make him feel that way? Or its me whose the one bertepuk sebelah tangan?

But looking back to the moment, now i could smile to myself.I was so whatever.

2) Ada apa dengan mu? - Peter Pan

Due to misunderstanding, and egoistic in me. So the song suit it best.

3) Dewa - Dealova

He was the last bf, but not the last guy close to me. He said this song is for us. Well..erm..Honestly, i'm not that good gf, so its pretty hard to be emotional when i'm not. But he is very nice guy.

But bytheway i was always the pain in the ass in any relationship i had been into. I was naturally a bad gf. I dont play around as in a playgirl. I just heartless,ego and selfish, maybe. So, i dont want to take a risk anymore.

All in all...I had been single for 5 years and few months!Should i give myself a big clap??lol.But being single for such a long time make me becoming more and more selfish.I just don't know how to appreciate someone's care and how to deal with another party.

It just that I could not see the possibility anymore. If you see my planning, you will wonder am i gay or i actually prefer to be ANDARTU?

So am i normal?Still?

what do u think about it?

My 2nd post for today. Maybe I just got the whole time for blogging after finishing exam yesterday...

If you watch the video, what do you think about it?

My first thought is, is SHE IS STUPID? How could she do that? I mean confessing to a guy who she know does not love her? Even preparing for such a night?

When you are dumped once, why you still want to be so loyal sticking with that guy who does not even love ya? Its annoyed me. Unless she is unsure either he love her or not, that is fine...

"What does she have which I dont?" "Why can't you love me?" - she should not ask this

If the guy you love chose another girl instead of you, that does not mean she is better. That's mean, he don't deserve you.

But anyway, in my second thought...I think she is brave. Brave enough to try it to the core. Confess. Do u think its easy to confess? Its about dignity. Pride.If i was her, i know i could not do that. Its her 2nd time tough...

Anyway, still, i don't know what should i think about it....i feel shame though for what she did...I won't do it, but i respect the bravery, but still..sigh~

Patah Hatiku Bercantum Kembali...

Above:Met Khanoon

I was seriously broken hearted tadi sebab i tried to make Met Khanon but then it turns out differently. It does not taste like what it should! I seriously wana eat this thing, its one of my favorite dessert beside Jala Emas.

Above: Jala Emas

While Met Khanon is hardly found...even in Kelantan..I went home last summer but i just ate it twice. Hardly found it...

It's actually Siamese Dessert, but since Kelantan and Siam are in border so its normal for Kelantanese to eat what those Siamese eat. Tak weird pun. In Thai it does have more meaning la, sebab it is one of the dessert yg org bawak waktu kahwin and it symbolized that whatever bride and groom do in life, they will have the support of others, and never lose sight of their dreams.

I was googling the recipe for Met Khanon, i found one yesterday and i tried it today, and its not turn out well. Its not thick enough then i added some flour, nah not some flour but a lot of flour, its like half-half proportion. Which seriously worsen the taste. It taste like flour lah!

In that recipe, its said, steam the mung bean, but i boiled it, but i already put off the excess water. Add coconut milk and blend it. Of course la it will turn out watery. So the PROBLEM is, how to make it thick???

I added flour!

And its totally WRONG!

Then now, i googled the recipe again, found a blog about thai dessert, and yeah the previous recipe is incomplete. Opps..nah...when i checked the previous recipe's web..well I'm the one making the mistake. I missed one important step while writing down the recipe! Hihihi..what a shame~

What i should do is, boil the mung bean THEN add coconut milk, and AFTER THAT, keep on boiling it until no more water left and its thick enough to be mold in oval shape!So, thats the KEY POINT! It should be stir under low heat until its thick enough to shape it.

I makee try it again next time. Still am not satisfied... I will be satisfied when i get the real taste...

My Golden Age

I was having a hard time last night since i got a paper this morning.Alhamdulillah thing are okay, except for servo paper, but i decided to give up the prochrastinator's attitude for my last paper. Good thing i got a housemate who love to study, so the last minute study become much more easier.keh3

Anyway, before i get to sleep last night as in 4.30am this morning, I hardly fall asleep and at last i was thinking about my Golden Days. The time when i grew old, when my kids are all grown up(if i get married to someone),because before i think about growing old i thought about dying early, like 30's. But no matter what age I will die, I hope God will erase all my sins and promise me heaven...InshaAllah...

Okay, the Question is What Will I Do at That Age?

I used to travel before to few countries and i love to study the cultural different.

There is a trend in USA and Europe where most of the retired Amarican will buy a house in someother places with lower living cost than their own country's.I went to Spain in Alicante, most of the big houses are actually owned by foreigners who are retired and plan to spend their life time there.My friend's dad who is a British, the son still in University, but the dad is actually in Spain. He live there after he retired.It's a trend to work hard for you golden age, and have a relax, beautiful life afterwards.

Sumpah Bunian

Watched Sumpah Bunian.tak tahu sebelum ni ada few drama and film in the making about Bunian. Browsing trough Bunian's story i came across this drama. Macam cerita Encheanteur pun ada juga but at the end sedih la juga, sbb aku skip dari starting terus lompat ending.

To be exact cerita tu agak menyakitkan hati aku, sebab, laki tu kahwin dua. Lepas tu boleh plak letak bini dia dua-dua under one roof, Rasulullah pn tak wat camtu. Sengal. Perempuan ni, kat luar dua-dua senyum, tapi dalam hati lain cerita.Makan dalam.

Lepas tu, memang betul kalau kahwin dengan bunian they will keep on watching their family members and normally they will appear when needed as in bukan di seru tapi kalau ada bencana akan datang. You will get something like a whisper or a sign. In this story langsung tak boleh tolong anak sendiri sampai jadi teruk macam tu. Biasanya kalau dah generasi ke 3 or 4 pun masih lagi diperhatikan. Di tolong.But in the end ayah si bunian ni memang ambil balik anak dia dari alam manusia.

* but i love the props. Its the real malay houses. Kayu jati dan putih n kuning. Pakain pun cantik, putih. Bersihkan? Its true they wear one color.Is it?lol

I do know stories about this thing from close people of mine.

One of them is about a granddaughter whose grand dad married a bunian, tapi aku syak ada sesuatu yang pelik dari apa yang telah berlaku. Entah, it could be happen in many ways, dan cari itu yang menentukan salah atau betulnya tindakan tersebut. Ada yang kahwin dengan species selain manusia sebab inginkan kelebihan, ilmu yang lain, dan itu yang akan memesongkan manusia. Yang akan mengikat mereka dengan syarat-syarat dan akan menyusahkan manusia adanya.

Apa yang berlaku ialah, datuk kepada si Daurah la aku panggil perempuan ni, kahwin dengan bunian. Dia tidak pernah memberitahu yang lain tentang perkara itu, tapi hanya seorang sahaja dari cucunya yang di beritahu mengenai perkara tersebut. She is the only one yang dibenarkan masuk ke dalam bilik yang sentiasa terkunci, menempatkan satu katil dan cermin solek yang tersusun rapi. Dari kecil hingga ke besar perempuan ni biasa bermain di bilik tersebut. Datuknya juga ada isteri lain dari golongan manusia, si Daurah ialah hasil dari perkahwinan sesama manusia.

Apabila datuknya meninggal, daurah yang di amanahkan untuk menjaga keluarga bunian yang dikahwini oleh datuknya. Disebabkan oleh mereka lambat menua, usia nenek buniannya juga lambat tua, dan anak-anak hasil perkahwinan itu juga sama, mereka masih sebaya cucu si datuj ini.

Jadi selepas meninggal, ana-anak buniannya mengikut Daurah kemana sahaja. Mereka tidak dapat dilihat manusia, kecuali dalam masa tertentu sahaja. Seringkali Daurah pulang lewat malam dari Kuala Lumpur ke Kelantan dan kadang-kadang dari Perak ke Kelantan seorang diri. Kadang-kadang dia ada juga berteman, dan teman manusianya itu sendiri yang menyaksikan bagaimana setiap kali polis membuat check, mereka melihat ramai yang berada di dalam kereta tersebut, walhal yang ada hanya dua orang.

Tapi, apabila perkara pelik berlaku, aku dan keluarga juga agak risau kerana dalam kemalangan yang berlaku beberapa bulan lepas dia kemalangan di lebuhraya grik. Keretanya disaksikan oleh beberapa kereta lain jatuh ke dalam gaung tapi naik semula. Kemek keretanya memang sangat teruk, mengikut polis kalau melihatkan kemalangan tu memang mereka tidak menyangka dia masih lagi hidup. Alhamdulillah tiada yang lain bersama dengannya waktu itu.

Mengikut ceritanya, dia kemalangan dengan lori diselekoh, dan terhumban ke gaung. Kepalanya terhantuk di cermin kereta, dan waktu itu dia melihat adik- beradiknya yang lain menangis meminta/menyeru agar dia tidak mati. Dan yang membuatkan aku terasa creepy is, yang menangis itu wajahnya sama seperti dia.

Apabila suaminya datang ke tempat kejadian, suaminya dan rakan suaminya melihat dia terbaring di tengah jalan. Mereka menyangka dia telahpun meninggal, tetapi sebaliknya she came out from the car safe and sound.

Jadi siapa yang terbaring itu? Adik beradiknya yg serupa dengan dia? Atau dia sendiri?

Sampai sekarang ia menjadi tanda tanya. Keluarganya juga merasakan she is different after the accident. Maybe sbb pscychology mgkn else. I dont know. But she is okay now, macam orang biasa. dalam accident tu, she son't even get a tiny scratch...

Perempuan ini/Daurah ni ada adik beradik lain, 3perempuan dan sorang laki yg masih kecil, tapi mereka semua tidak pula mendapat apa-apa layanan istimewa. Dari apa yang berlaku, aku terasa seperti layanan dari 'benda' peliharaan..Atau mungkin juga sebab Daurah sendiri bukan keturunan Bunian, dia hanya penjaga yg diamanahkan oleh datuknya, jadi dia dianggap keluarga manakala yg lain pula tidak.I don't know.


But dalam kes lain, setahu aku the generation berkeupayaan untuk mengubati orang lain. Tidak perlu menjaga mana-mana bunian. Mereka cuma ada connection, yang mereka sendiri tidak tahu ada hinggalah ada sesuatu berlaku.

Biasanya mereka akan agak di jaga oleh keluarga bunian yg ada kaitan dgn mereka. Akan muncul bila diperlukan. Bukan diseru, tapi apabila ada saat genting yg akan atau sedang berlaku. Tidak memerlukan apa-apa syarat. Mereka lambat tua. Tapi..kadang-kadang ada anak perempuan sulung yg terpilih untuk di ajak ke alam mereka. Berkahwin dengan keluarga di sana.Tapi boleh di tolak. Dan biasanya..mereka ada aura mereka sendiri yg membuatkan manusia lain tertarik pada mereka...



Hmm apa-apa sahajalah! Semua yg di nyatakan di atas adalah benar dan sahih. Tapi untuk menjauhi, ketidak percayaan adalah satu kunci kata yg sangat penting.Melupakan juga adalah perkara yg terbaik.

Tapi apa pun semuanya makhluk Allah. Mereka juga seperti kita, ada yg baik dan jahatnya. Ada yang mengejutkan kita Solat dan ada yang melalaikan kita dalam beribadah.

And the good thing is, when i think about it,is either u r in which ever dimension, there is one thing which will always be there. Allah swt. Sweetkan? God is always with us.

I rean in a book, alam lain adalah suatu yang mungkin, Allah juga menyatakannya dalam al-Quran. Dalam buku tu, well the way he potrayed it macam sangat nice.

Kita bukan the only makhluk Allah yg wujud di muka bumi ini. Apa yg peliknya? Sperti manusia dan germ, ada manusia dengar apa germ cakap? Tidak. Sebab setiap apa yg Allah jadikan ada had frequency pendengaran yg berbeza. Diluar had tersebut manusia tak mampu mendengarnya. Sama juga dengan melihat. Ada satu saat antara sedar dan jaga yang akan membawa manusia ke dimensi lain. Dan apabila tidur lain pula perjalanannya. Cantik dunia yg Allah buat. Unik.

All praise be to Allah swt the One and Only.